It's okay to say, "I don't know"... especially to yourself

This is a follow up to what I posted the other day about not knowing.

Let's suppose -- just hypothetically, of course -- that I run into a certain person two or three times a week. And on about half those occasions, we'll hypothetically state, she's as friendly as one might expect a person to be to an acquaintance she doesn't know all too well.

On the other half of those occasions, she looks at me like I was a child molester and says nothing.

What's going on here?

1. She's got a thing for me, but she's struggling with inner conflicts.


2. Some days she likes the way I'm dressed, but other days she doesn't.


3. She has borderline personality disorder.


4. She's having a bad day, or a lot of them.


5. Someone has told her something terrible about me, and she can't decide if it's true.


6. I don't know.

In the past, typically, I would have spent hours... days... weeks! Cycling through 1-5. I'd ask friends, leave long rambling posts on web sites and ruminate on it as I drove to work. 'What the hell is she thinking? Am I dressing wrong? Should I dress differently? What could she have heard about me? Was it true? Did the person who told her think it was true, whatever it was, or was that person just being malicious? Is she weird? Am I weird?'

But the correct answer is, "I don't know." Not, "I don't know and I'll never find out." Not, "I don't know but she probably..." Not, "I don't know but I'll ask her friend..."

Just, "I don't know."

And -- this is really big -- it's okay to not know.

I am learning to intercept these long internal analyses early on, say to myself, "I don't know," and move on. Specifically, to be in the moment: here's what's happening right now. The sky is blue, I'm at a stop light, whatever.

What's happening right now is enough.