Oddly enough

...listening to umpteen versions of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' of varying styles and competency put me in a maudlin sort of mood. Nothing in that song has any connection to anything happening or that has ever happened in my life - I can't imagine ever telling anyone in my most mawkish moments that 'forever starts tonight' or 'together we can take it to the end of the line,' so I guess it's not the lyrics but the music itself.

Blogblah! questions why the dancing ninjas are in the original Bonnie Tyler video. Well, hell, it was the eighties - the 'just add ninjas' era of popular culture. I wonder who came up with the bizarre literal interpretation of 'bright eyes' that made the kids look like they were poisoned with white Kryptonite.

But creating the overall sense that relationships exist in a sort of dark, disjointed and vaguely threatening dream world - well that works for me. Maybe it's the video and not the music that puts me in this frame of mind.

In fact, when the Bonnie Tyler version first came out back whenever it was just more background noise on the radio to me. I didn't see the video until a couple of years ago and that's when I first got kind of creeped out by it.

Anyway, the song or the video or both made me think of a woman I knew and was briefly close to a few years ago. Again, nothing that happened between us was anything like that song, so I'm not sure what the connection is.

(I did, however, once tell her that when we were together I could sense 'the machinery of the cosmos turning.' I don't think that sounds as silly as 'together we can take it to the end of the line,' but still... I wouldn't take back the sentiment, but it could have perhaps been better expressed. Later, though, when I was trying to understand the concept of the Tao, 'machinery of the cosmos' seemed like a good way to put it.)

Lately – like for the past month – there's been a certain sense of emptiness in my life. I think being retired has given me more time to dwell on stuff like this, so it's more apparent to me. And the song just accentuated the awareness.

I know most other people feel this at various times in their lives, and they resolve it (or try to) by finding a lover, getting saved, buying a ski boat or any of a couple of dozen other methods.

My own opinion, based on my experience, is that none of this works, or if it does the results are only temporary - sort of like nasal spray for the soul. Provides fast temporary relief from the discomfort of being human. After the effects wear off, you have to break up, go to revivals, listen to motivational speakers, accessorize the boat, whatever.

I reiterate, however, that my life is as close to perfect today as it's ever been. I'm definitely not complaining.