Every year, Tricycle Magazine holds its ‘28-Day Meditation Challenge’. I thought my practice had become consistent enough that I could undertake the challenge this year. Of course, I didn’t actually read the challenge. If I had, I would have noticed it required twenty minutes weekday mornings, another twenty weekday evenings (almost twice my regular session), and ninety minutes every Saturday and Sunday. I noticed this for the first time on Jan. 30th, only two days before the challenge’s Feb. 1 start date.
So, I blew it on day one. I had been so mentally overloaded by the snowstorm and Gastón's disappearance that I didn’t sit that day at all. Yesterday, I kept putting it off, and by the time I decided to do it, I was too sleepy and went straight to bed.
But even though I am not living up to the challenge, I am generally satisfied with the way my practice is going. I look forward to it most days. Mentally, it’s no effort to get on the zafu, although sometimes there’s a physical challenge.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my current practice wouldn’t pass muster with purists. I don’t do gassho or bow to my cushion. I move a lot, generally to straighten up when I find myself starting to slump forward. Lately, there’s also been some coughing, sneezing and sniffling. Oddly enough, this is a problem only during meditation. I'll go all day without coughing or sneezing, and suddenly have an attack of it when I’m sitting. I’m sure the coughing is because of breathing very dry winter air, but I can't explain the sneezing.
Sometimes I will move my right leg if I feel it going numb or starting to cramp. I read different opinions about the numbness. Some say it’s harmless, and should be ‘worked through’ as part of the practice, while others say it should be avoided. None of these are medical opinions, and until I find a medical opinion online, I’m going to err on the side of caution and avoid letting my legs go numb. It’s always my right leg, btw, never my left.
My current session time is 25 minutes. I have a meditation timer installed on my iPad that rings a tibetan bowl sound every five minutes. I suppose that for ‘real’ meditators, the timer keeps them from accidentally sitting all day long, and getting nothing else done. For me, though, it’s more of a ‘come on, just two more chimes’ thing. Mentally, I think I want to do more, but my body isn’t ready yet.
I do sort of light meditation throughout the day. What I mean by that is that I try to remember to be aware of my own breath and be mindful of surroundings and my own thoughts all the time. I am a natural introvert, prone to shutting down in crowded places, and that actually makes this process easier. If you see me in the coffee shop and I seem to have ‘zoned out’, that's what is happening. Obviously, it doesn't look like meditation, and strictly speaking, it isn't. But it is a process of disengaging from the ten thousand things going on around me and getting back to my own quiet personal center.
I suspect zen and taoism always had a special appeal for introverts. For those of us who find the daily business of life overwhelming and intolerable, zen and taoism both offer a sort of intellectual shelter, as well as a justification for our unsociable ways.
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