It occurred to me Tuesday that I have not done a single productive thing, other than routine maintenance, in about two-and-a-half years. I guess you could classify last year's Tennessee trip as a productive thing, in the sense that it wasn't just another day of me eating and sleeping around the house, but that's the only thing.
I don't feel guilty about it at all, but I do have this sudden feeling of unease, or something like it.
I don't want to die, but living is boring. I feel like I'm stuck at the airport for a layover, twiddling my thumbs until the next leg of my journey — which probably is death. I know that finding stuff to do, whether it's a hobby or public service or something else, isn't going to change that. One of the frequent themes of this blog has been that most of us find life meaningless and boring, and we anesthetize ourselves to that with an extraordinary array of distractions, from TV and movies to video games to porn to extreme sports. I have seen through that, though, and entertainment generally holds no attraction for me. Obviously some people get all the fulfillment they need from Dancing With the Stars or whatever, but that doesn't get it done for me.
I have a couple of friends who have been trying to persuade me or pressure me to create art again. It's not working.
2 comments:
Once when I was reading a book on an airplane flying to a vacation I realized I was passing time (reading), while passing time (flying) to go and pass more time (vacation). Returning to room temperature will be a relief. Until then, I will ride my bike as much as possible, eat lots of Ethiopian food (thanks go out to Gary Barton for that turnon) and stare at the mountains.
what counts as "productive"? do you count all the work you've done improving your house and back yard and garage as unproductive? is blogging unproductive? is cleaning out all the crap from your house unproductive? is reading and improving your understanding of the world around you unproductive? is having friendships you nurture unproductive? I have a problem with the premise, obviously.
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