75 pounds?!

Contrary to what you may have heard, I haven't gained 75 pounds since summer.

Here's what has happened. As I mentioned here at the time, I spent a couple of days in the hospital about 15 months ago. After my release, I made a decision to modify my eating habits. This had nothing to do with why I was hospitalized: it just seemed like an opportune time to make the change.

So I cut out all fast food. There are three fast food places within a few blocks of my house, and I ate fast food dinners at least three times a week, but I stopped. I also eliminated almost all caffeine.

In mid-summer, I retired from what was basically a sedentary desk job. I had been in the habit of grabbing snacks at the convenience store on the way to work, and that ended as a result of retirement.

I began riding a bicycle occasionally.

And since then, my weight has climbed to the highest it's been in my life.

I would like to lose about 40-50 pounds. So now I'm walking about a mile a day. I'm trying to eat less, but in fact, I don't eat a lot. I don't snack between meals. I don't always eat breakfast or lunch.

I am at a point where the extra weight is affecting how I feel - not self-image, but how I physically feel.

I'm trying to view this as an attachment/non-attachment issue. What is it to which I am attached? Eating for recreation or pleasure? Yes. For years, I ate 90% of my meals alone. Today, I hardly ever eat alone, and food has become an element of my social life. I'm just going to have to eat less if I want to lose weight.

Am I attached to the notion that I would be 'better' somehow if I were thinner? Yes. I'm trying to not think about whether I would look better - that's subjective and ego-driven.

But I'm really tired of feeling the way I feel.

(And no, I'm not joining the mayor's Million-Pound March or whatever it is.)