This isn't as important a subject in my life now as it was ten or fifteen years ago, but just by coincidence I've had a couple of conversations touching on this subject in the past few days.
I think we all know someone who has repeatedly made bad choices in relationships - one partner after another who is arrogant, or irresponsible, or chemical-dependent, or just not very bright. And our friend dumps one bad choice only to take up with another who is no different.
But how can you help who you're attracted to?
And maybe we know someone who has repeatedly fallen for people who were, as I think the appropriate word is now, "unattainable." This is what we used to call "out of his/her league."
But how can you help who you're attracted to?
Or maybe the person was attainable, but had other problems that both made them more attractive and doomed the relationship to failure. For example, I knew a woman who married and divorced two consecutive crack dealers. I guess she thought she could change them. One ended up in prison and the other ended up dead.
But how could she help who she was attracted to?
For myself, I can say I usually met someone in whom I was really interested once every two or three years. I've written before about what kind of women attracted me - usually (but not always) the willowy, gauzy, quiet, ethereal, sort of semi-transparent hippie/gypsy/Buddhist type. But then there were other hurdles - maybe she was in a relationship, or maybe she just had no interest in me.
But how could I help who I was attracted to?
My friends used to tell me I was 'too picky.' Maybe so. Eventually, I started going out with women to whom I had no attraction whatsoever, and I didn't enjoy that at all. So I quit doing it.
Eventually I got old enough and fat enough and taoist enough and cat peed-on enough that the question wasn't all that relevant to my life anymore. But I still wonder sometimes...
How can you help who you're attracted to?
8 comments:
So, what are you saying?
Are you saying that again you're attracted to someone who you can't help being attracted to?
Or you're not attracted to someone you're attracted to?
Or you're attracted to someone you're not attracted to?
I don't get it.
mindovermary
I think his picker is broken!
If you figure that one out, please let me know.
I've wondered if attraction could somehow be tweaked. Why can't I be attracted to only the mildly arrogant, irresponsible, chemically dependant shortbus kind of guy? That would be a great start!
grable
i think it's pretty obvious what you're saying... meeting your ex yesterday...puts me at the advantage... i suppose...
remembering...my father's words... "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man"
the first four serious relationships i have had...all 4 men were the 3rd born son...4th born child... true story...
At the moment, I'm not attracted to anyone. That includes women other people think I 'ought' to be interested in.
But I think this affects different people differently. As I mentioned, I knew a woman who seemed to be only attracted to crack dealers. Her life was in constant chaos with the threat of violence constantly hanging over her and her children like a cloud. But for years she couldn't stay away from guys like that.
I've known guys who were attracted only to supermodel types. I've known women who were only interested in bodybuilders.
The point I was trying to make is that there are people who spend large parts of their lives alone because, like me, their field of interest is too literally excusive, or their lives are in constant chaos because they're only interested in crazy people.
Even after you've recognized what's happening, how can you help what you're attracted to?
I'm interested in people who have spikes on their tongues, can jump from the floor to the windowsill, and who are willing to clean out their own litterbox.
See Synecdoche NY.
it is sooooo simple. yes! it is!!!
it is depend of WHAT people WANT from that relationship.
may the crack dealer loving woman neeeeeeeds the drama and somebody who is mental just soooooo sick that he would not run away and leaf her alone. so she can nurse him (with unhappiness)and he feels ok with as long he does not die orpolice kicks him to jail.
there are some who love just body builder... they are just occpied the whole time with their exercises and have not much time for messing around and on top, they are allways in good shape. so one superfissial os coming to the other and together they are super superfissial and will love each other as long the bizeps are tide and the girl is pretty enough to be a nice accessoir for him...
there is that old speaking...show me your friends and i tell you who you are...it may be fit also as...show me your love and i tell you who you are...
there is a meaning in all matches. some likes and needs a n even relationship, some just want somebody who shuts up and only is there if their neednesses have to be fullfilled, others need just to beauty themselfs more with somebody outstanding and others... whatever... you can also ask people how old they THINK they look like...most over a certein agae will have a funny view about that. i know 60 year old who will tell me they look like 40... eeeeeehhhhhmmmmmmm, not for me.... but there is something tricky in us what makes views over people and us self pretty interesting...
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