Depression

Blogblah! referenced a recent Dick Cavett article about depression.

Interesting coincidence, because I've felt it coming on again myself. I've had a lot of stuff going on lately. Well, it's a lot of stuff for me; others might consider it a light schedule.

I've got the landscaping project going on, coupled with a huge cleaning out of my garage and back yard. I have an impending trip to visit my stepmother — the first in eight years — and I'm frankly not looking forward to it. And I'm just a little overloaded by it.

I've made a running joke out of my love of doing absolutely nothing, but under the humor, there's a sincere desire to let go of everything and just sit. And I don't mean sitting meditation, although that's an option. I mean really just sit — and watch the rest of the world go by. I salute other people's goals and enthusiasm, at least in some cases. But that isn't me.

Maybe I'm just the ultimate burnout case. But even in years long past, I wasn't as motivated as other people I knew. It seemed to me they were chasing phantoms, and I couldn't understand why they would put so much effort and time into getting so little.

When the sky is blue and temperature is pleasant and I've got lunch on the way, I'm about as happy as I'm going to get.