I feel like I want to talk a little more about fatigue. It's really wearing me down. I took a shower this evening, for reasons that will be evident after you've read the post preceding this one. When I was done, my hands and my knees were trembling so badly I thought I was going to have to just lie down on the bathroom floor to recuperate. It doesn't take much to tire me.
I've spent 50 of the last 72 hours in bed. I usually feel mentally alert, but my body simply doesn't want to do the things that I want it to do. My body feels like a 220-pound deadweight that my brain has to carry around, and try to cajole into even modest action.
A few years ago, I put blackout curtains on my bedroom windows and turned that room into what I called the Very Dark Room. I spent the whole summer in there, in quiet solitude, with nothing but the music of Tibetan singing bowls in my ears. My friends scarcely saw me that summer. I just sat there and recharged my batteries, week after week. It felt calm, safe, peaceful and steady. I feel that I'm ready to do that again. I need it more now than I did then.
2 comments:
I remember cleaning your 'Very Dark Room.' I didn't know that the paper you taped to the windows behind the black out curtains weren't just an accidentel window protective paint project left over. I removed them. The next week, they were back up. I felt bad that you used the only energy you had to replace the darkness I removed.
You never stopped removing that darkness, Kat. :)
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