I found Prajna this morning dead under the backyard deck. I don't know when she went down there, but yesterday, we had to take down a section of the underdeck enclosure to free a pit bull and a German shepherd who had somehow wormed their way through that hole we made for the tree. One of the dogs — the pit bull, I assume — cornered her, killed her and tore her up pretty badly. I had to pull her out in pieces.
This pit bull has been wandering the neighborhood for a couple of weeks. I emailed a request to the city's Action Center on August 25, and four days later I got an email back that Animal Control couldn't find her. That was Friday, which was the day before she killed Prajna.
I saw her again in my back yard this morning.
The stray pit bull is, as I frequently say, the state dog of Oklahoma. The only thing more macho in this state than owning a pit bull is to own a pit bull that you allow to wander freely around a neighborhood full of kids with an elementary school a half block away. It seems like the more pit bull maulings and killings there are reported in the media, the more people want to have one.
As for the city — well, it's not like anyone in this neighborhood owns a basketball team or is a real estate developer. We can turn city government on a dime for any Nichols Hills millionaire who demands it, but getting things done for people who actually live in the city... well, that's kinda complicated.
I borrowed a big dog box from Ms. Landscape Person, and I'm going to put some food in it and try to herd this dog into it. After that, I don't know what happens.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Missing Prajna
My semi-Siamese cat Prajna is missing. She snuck out the door Thursday evening. I didn't go after her because it was late, I was ready for bed, and she usually just gets on a porch chair and goes to sleep when she sneaks out. But now she's been gone two full days, and I'm worried that either all the activity around the house frightened her or a dog got her. I hope she's okay, wherever she is.
Passion and excitement
I have a follow-up post on the subject of passion and excitement, but I'm kind of struggling with it. Maybe later today.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Fence update
I didn't take any pictures today until after the fence crew had gone for the day, and after the storms had rolled in. So it's a little overcast. This is the new west fence, and this is the main reason I wanted a new fence at all.
The old fence, which had alternating pickets on both sides of the fence rail, allowed anyone to look through in either direction. It also provided almost no sound deadening. My next door neighbor pulled the siding off the east side out of his garage a few years back, so that when I was in my yard, I could look straight into his garage. In addition, he built a sort of guest house/den on the back of the garage, all made from scraps of plywood, corrugated sheet metal and palette lumber cadged from other people's big junk pickup piles. It wasn't particularly aesthetically pleasing, and any conversation among him and his friends in there was plainly audible in my yard.
I finally just abandoned my own back yard, since being out there seemed almost like I was sitting in his lap.
Now, all I can see of his garage is the roof line, and if today is any indication, I won't be hearing as much random noise from over there.
This is basically the section of fence that gives me my yard back.
Camera news
I've been taking pictures the past couple of days with a new Nikon D300. This is the first new SLR I've had in twenty or more years, and the first digital SLR I've ever used.
Several years ago, I bought an Olympus consumer-grade digital with a permanently attached zoom lens. It shot pictures that were acceptable for web use, but not for print. It used the old SD flash memory cards which were never more than 512 MB in size, and which are now almost impossible to find. There was also some blue fringing that seemed to get worse as time went by.
I really struggled with the notion of buying a new camera. If I was still working full time, it would be an easy decision, but I wasn't sure I'd have much use for it now that I'm retired. But over the past year, it has seemed like I need a good camera about once a month.
I have a lot to relearn about SLR photography, plus a lot of new stuff. Compared to my old Minolta film SLR camera, the D300 is like flying a space shuttle.
If nothing else, it means no more cell phone pix on the blog.
Several years ago, I bought an Olympus consumer-grade digital with a permanently attached zoom lens. It shot pictures that were acceptable for web use, but not for print. It used the old SD flash memory cards which were never more than 512 MB in size, and which are now almost impossible to find. There was also some blue fringing that seemed to get worse as time went by.
I really struggled with the notion of buying a new camera. If I was still working full time, it would be an easy decision, but I wasn't sure I'd have much use for it now that I'm retired. But over the past year, it has seemed like I need a good camera about once a month.
I have a lot to relearn about SLR photography, plus a lot of new stuff. Compared to my old Minolta film SLR camera, the D300 is like flying a space shuttle.
If nothing else, it means no more cell phone pix on the blog.
Fence construction
Fence panels and trim lumber stacked in the driveway.
Wrestling one of the old fence posts out of the ground.
Stretching string for a straight line.
Dropping in one of the new steel fence posts.
Placing the first eight-foot panel.
The contractor's dog, Charlie Brown. She's not the same breed as the immortal Buddy Lee, but in temperament she reminds me a lot of my dear old pooch.
Attaching the first bracket.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
School of Rock
Fox Brick and Stone delivered more decorative rocks today. Ms. Landscape Person picked most of them, but I chose a couple as well. Having someone driving a forklift into your driveway really helps impart a sense of monumental effort. You know there's big-league stuff going on when a forklift is involved.
One of the big rocks at the back of the front yard garden.
A wider view. The birdbath had been in the backyard for about seven years. I bought it right after I moved in.
A side view of the garden.
Did I mention we had a forklift here today?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Still more pics
Flowers in the front bed.
Nurse Kathryn dropped by to visit with Ms. LP and me.
Nurse Kathryn and me. She said I looked 'very Delta Force' today.
Maybe I should wear a bandana all the time.
More pics
Panels and posts for the new eight-foot privacy fence arrived today. Just my way of sayin'... leave me alone!
Front yard flower bed. In the foreground, a nandina planted two years ago. Behind it, flowers and plants placed by Ms. Landscape Person over the past two days.
Something Ms. Landscape Person planted.
More plants.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Ms. Landscape Person at work
Sometimes I feel a little guilty standing there watching her do all the work. Fortunately, when that happens I can go to The Red Cup.
Surprise visit
Ms. Landscape Person and I were out in the front yard this morning when a woman pulled up to the house and asked if she could take a picture of my house. Both her mother and her aunt had lived here at various times.
Her mother, Carol Smith (now of Kansas City) was with her. Mrs. Smith lived in my house from 1939 to 1944, between the ages of 9 and 15. She attended Hawthorne Elementary, one block over, Taft Junior High and then old Classen High School. I thought she might have known my parents or grandparents — she's about the same age my dad would be if he were still alive — but she didn't recognize their names.
I invited her on a tour of the grounds, but I didn't let her go inside. That would have been too much for her to bear.
I asked her to send me some photos of the house from the late thirties/early forties, and she said she would when she gets home.
Her mother, Carol Smith (now of Kansas City) was with her. Mrs. Smith lived in my house from 1939 to 1944, between the ages of 9 and 15. She attended Hawthorne Elementary, one block over, Taft Junior High and then old Classen High School. I thought she might have known my parents or grandparents — she's about the same age my dad would be if he were still alive — but she didn't recognize their names.
I invited her on a tour of the grounds, but I didn't let her go inside. That would have been too much for her to bear.
I asked her to send me some photos of the house from the late thirties/early forties, and she said she would when she gets home.
Tuesday morning
We made significant progress on the front yard yesterday. Ms. Landscape Person did most of the heavy lifting, literally as well as figuratively. I walked around from the back of the house to find her lifting one end of an eight-foot long, 6 by 6-inch railroad tie and dragging it out to the driveway — much to the astonishment of the work crew rebuilding the house across the street.
I would have helped, but she started without me.
No, really — I would have helped.
In the back yard, the elm tree has been pruned of dead branches and most of the old fence has been taken down. The fence guy — same as the deck guy — says my new fence will be in place by Sunday.
I would have helped, but she started without me.
No, really — I would have helped.
In the back yard, the elm tree has been pruned of dead branches and most of the old fence has been taken down. The fence guy — same as the deck guy — says my new fence will be in place by Sunday.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Passion and excitement
"If I have to live," she said, "I want to really live. I want passion, and excitement!"
I wasn't being prompted for an amateur dharma talk, so I remained silent and listened as my friend talked about her life.
But I am not the least bit about passion and excitement. And I think people who are generally are steering themselves toward a life of disappointment.
The Buddha taught that life is filled with persistent dissatisfaction. We are never satisfied. Some of us crave creature comforts. Some of us crave the respect or admiration of others, which is why we acquire status symbol possessions. Some of us just crave a constant adrenalin rush, which requires more and more drama, angst, passion and excitement.
Some of us, like me, just crave quiet, calm and more than the average amount of personal freedom.
But it's pointless to constantly try to fulfill craving. No matter how much we get of what we think we want, it's never enough.
Muscle ointments and creams don't actually do anything for your aches and pains. They simply create a new physical sensation that temporarily masks the pain so you don't feel it. Whatever was wrong with you when before you applied the liniment is still wrong with you afterwards. Soon, the stuff wears off and you're back where you started.
Fulfilling cravings – beyond the true necessities of food, clothing and shelter – is a lot like rubbing on liniment. There's some temporary relief, but eventually it wears off and you're back where you started.
I am no teacher or bodhisattva, but if I were I'd try to help my friend see this so she can be happy with her life.
I wasn't being prompted for an amateur dharma talk, so I remained silent and listened as my friend talked about her life.
But I am not the least bit about passion and excitement. And I think people who are generally are steering themselves toward a life of disappointment.
The Buddha taught that life is filled with persistent dissatisfaction. We are never satisfied. Some of us crave creature comforts. Some of us crave the respect or admiration of others, which is why we acquire status symbol possessions. Some of us just crave a constant adrenalin rush, which requires more and more drama, angst, passion and excitement.
Some of us, like me, just crave quiet, calm and more than the average amount of personal freedom.
But it's pointless to constantly try to fulfill craving. No matter how much we get of what we think we want, it's never enough.
Muscle ointments and creams don't actually do anything for your aches and pains. They simply create a new physical sensation that temporarily masks the pain so you don't feel it. Whatever was wrong with you when before you applied the liniment is still wrong with you afterwards. Soon, the stuff wears off and you're back where you started.
Fulfilling cravings – beyond the true necessities of food, clothing and shelter – is a lot like rubbing on liniment. There's some temporary relief, but eventually it wears off and you're back where you started.
I am no teacher or bodhisattva, but if I were I'd try to help my friend see this so she can be happy with her life.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
This day
8:30 am: Red Cup.
10 am: Shartel Cafe for breakfast.
11:15 am: Jen's house.
11:45 am: Red Cup.
1 pm: Home for nap.
4:45 pm: Galileo meetup.
6:10 pm: Lido for dinner.
7:30 pm: Home to read Russian revolution history.
Now: Time for bed.
10 am: Shartel Cafe for breakfast.
11:15 am: Jen's house.
11:45 am: Red Cup.
1 pm: Home for nap.
4:45 pm: Galileo meetup.
6:10 pm: Lido for dinner.
7:30 pm: Home to read Russian revolution history.
Now: Time for bed.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Home improvement update
I'm taking these pix with my cell phone camera, which isn't very reliable under anything but direct sunlight. In any event, here are some pix...
Here's the new deck... roughly twice the area of the previous one. We had originally planned to add an extension to the previous deck, but we discovered the existing deck was sagging and that much of the wood had begun to rot. The builder saved one joist, but everything else was replaced.
We asked the builder to work around this young tree, which I wanted to save. In two more years it will shade most of the deck. In five years the hole will probably have to be enlarged.
This cat follows the landscaper and me around the yard, but won't let us touch him. I named him Grey Poupon.
I found this bell in an antique store and hung it by the backyard gate so folks can announce their arrival.
Up next: the new fence.
Here's the new deck... roughly twice the area of the previous one. We had originally planned to add an extension to the previous deck, but we discovered the existing deck was sagging and that much of the wood had begun to rot. The builder saved one joist, but everything else was replaced.
We asked the builder to work around this young tree, which I wanted to save. In two more years it will shade most of the deck. In five years the hole will probably have to be enlarged.
This cat follows the landscaper and me around the yard, but won't let us touch him. I named him Grey Poupon.
I found this bell in an antique store and hung it by the backyard gate so folks can announce their arrival.
Up next: the new fence.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Weather
I guess I should mention how happy I am about this weather. It couldn't be better for having a bunch of new plants in the ground.
Home Improvement update
The new deck is finished – pictures when the weather improves. The fence is next, and then the back yard will be basically done. There's still stuff to do out front.
Getting off the information grid
Although he's not a Buddhist or Taoist, my friend Ron has adopted some of the practices of Cold Mountain. He lives in a fairly isolated semi-rural part of the city, in a small, exceptionally simple space. He is not off the grid completely, but he's working toward it.
Ron has not only mostly unplugged himself from the utility grid, he has also largely disconnected from the 'information grid.'
"I used to be angry all the time," he told me. "Finally, I decided I had to quit listening to that stuff. I know how things are already. I don't have to listen to it every minute of the day."
I still read a couple of news web sites and political blogs, but basically I agree with Ron. Being a 'news junkie' in today's information climate is a good way to keep your blood pressure elevated all day.
It's not just the content itself. It's also the way information is presented, especially by the broadcast media. On the political/opinion front, there's a constant appeal to anger and outrage — not to mention paranoia. On the news front, everything is sensationalized and exaggerated, and much of it appeals to fear. This used to be unique to local news, but now it's spread to the national level as well.
If you're my age, you can remember when news discussion shows were a] rare and b] almost insufferably sedate and boring. They're still boring, but now it's because they're everywhere and the format is usually three or four pundits sputtering and yelling to be heard over each other. The result is often literally unintelligible.
There are also the annoying 'narratives' put forth by the Washington insiders liberal bloggers have come to call 'the Villagers' - the circle of friends who decide at cocktail parties what their view of current events is, then go on television and chat about their consensus as if it were fact.
News and political blogs don't seem to be much better. Being a liberal myself, I read liberal blogs, and get some useful information from the top-level posts. But the comments are usually insipid and useless. A message that says, "Goddamn rethugs! Impeach 'em all!" doesn't help me a bit.
Then there's the worthless 'celebrity news,' about which I have commented in the past.
I don't think a person can expose himself or herself to this constant din and stay centered and calm for very long.
My suggestion is to try unplugging for a week. Turn off the cable news and skip past the blogs (but not this one, of course). If my own experience is any indicator, you won't feel as if you're hopelessly out of the loop, but you will your feel temper cooling down.
Ron has not only mostly unplugged himself from the utility grid, he has also largely disconnected from the 'information grid.'
"I used to be angry all the time," he told me. "Finally, I decided I had to quit listening to that stuff. I know how things are already. I don't have to listen to it every minute of the day."
I still read a couple of news web sites and political blogs, but basically I agree with Ron. Being a 'news junkie' in today's information climate is a good way to keep your blood pressure elevated all day.
It's not just the content itself. It's also the way information is presented, especially by the broadcast media. On the political/opinion front, there's a constant appeal to anger and outrage — not to mention paranoia. On the news front, everything is sensationalized and exaggerated, and much of it appeals to fear. This used to be unique to local news, but now it's spread to the national level as well.
If you're my age, you can remember when news discussion shows were a] rare and b] almost insufferably sedate and boring. They're still boring, but now it's because they're everywhere and the format is usually three or four pundits sputtering and yelling to be heard over each other. The result is often literally unintelligible.
There are also the annoying 'narratives' put forth by the Washington insiders liberal bloggers have come to call 'the Villagers' - the circle of friends who decide at cocktail parties what their view of current events is, then go on television and chat about their consensus as if it were fact.
News and political blogs don't seem to be much better. Being a liberal myself, I read liberal blogs, and get some useful information from the top-level posts. But the comments are usually insipid and useless. A message that says, "Goddamn rethugs! Impeach 'em all!" doesn't help me a bit.
Then there's the worthless 'celebrity news,' about which I have commented in the past.
I don't think a person can expose himself or herself to this constant din and stay centered and calm for very long.
My suggestion is to try unplugging for a week. Turn off the cable news and skip past the blogs (but not this one, of course). If my own experience is any indicator, you won't feel as if you're hopelessly out of the loop, but you will your feel temper cooling down.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Survey says...
I hired a surveyor to check the property lines in advance of installing a new fence (Eight feet high! Total isolation!)
The guy came out yesterday spent some time using that scope thing surveyors use, then put one nail on the edge of my driveway – tacking down a fluorescent pink ribbon – and left.
I guess I thought there would be more to it. Some stakes, or flags or something.
I guess the fence guy will know how to use this.
The guy came out yesterday spent some time using that scope thing surveyors use, then put one nail on the edge of my driveway – tacking down a fluorescent pink ribbon – and left.
I guess I thought there would be more to it. Some stakes, or flags or something.
I guess the fence guy will know how to use this.
Another dream
Woke up from another dream about my previous career. A photographer and I had raced to Tulsa because of the threat of severe weather. By the time we got there, the storms had already come and gone, leaving nothing but wet streets. It was late evening and starting to get dark, and we were frantically searching for some minor damage, because once you've driven that far for a story, you're expected to get something on the air no matter what.
(Ever seen one of those live reports where the reporter starts out by saying, 'Everything's calm in this community tonight, but it could have been much, much worse'? That's often what happened — the crew drove a long way for nothing, but had to file a story regardless.)
I switched the car radio to a local all-news station, hoping to glean some weather information. The photographer, who was driving, objected at first to losing his music, but decided it was the best thing to do.
At one point the photographer jumped out of the moving car, leaving me to try to steer from the passenger's side. We were in a shopping mall parking lot, and I was driving in a slow counterclockwise loop around the parking lot's perimeter. There was something about the gearshift which confused me. In addition to the safety button on the shifter, there was a second switch which set some sort of international setting. The first selection on the switch was FIN, followed by USA and then some other countries. I was trying to figure out what that was, while the photographer was yelling at me to slow down so he could jump back in.
Then we saw a fireworks show going on somewhere off in the far distance and wondered what was going on. Obviously the weather wasn't all that serious, we reasoned, if they were having a fireworks show. Then we remembered that the Fourth of July was just a few days away, and although it seemed a little too soon for fireworks, that had to be what it was about.
Then we were wandering around inside one of the stores in the mall for just a moment, and then I woke up.
(Ever seen one of those live reports where the reporter starts out by saying, 'Everything's calm in this community tonight, but it could have been much, much worse'? That's often what happened — the crew drove a long way for nothing, but had to file a story regardless.)
I switched the car radio to a local all-news station, hoping to glean some weather information. The photographer, who was driving, objected at first to losing his music, but decided it was the best thing to do.
At one point the photographer jumped out of the moving car, leaving me to try to steer from the passenger's side. We were in a shopping mall parking lot, and I was driving in a slow counterclockwise loop around the parking lot's perimeter. There was something about the gearshift which confused me. In addition to the safety button on the shifter, there was a second switch which set some sort of international setting. The first selection on the switch was FIN, followed by USA and then some other countries. I was trying to figure out what that was, while the photographer was yelling at me to slow down so he could jump back in.
Then we saw a fireworks show going on somewhere off in the far distance and wondered what was going on. Obviously the weather wasn't all that serious, we reasoned, if they were having a fireworks show. Then we remembered that the Fourth of July was just a few days away, and although it seemed a little too soon for fireworks, that had to be what it was about.
Then we were wandering around inside one of the stores in the mall for just a moment, and then I woke up.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
More yard pix
The yard.
Bird bath built by Ron Ferrell. Shot with a cell phone, which is why it's so blurry.
Sculpture by Larry Pickering
Friday, August 08, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
Out of the wilderness
I slept through my usual 3-4 am wakeup, but here I am.
I have the sense that I've been sort of wandering in the wilderness this summer. When I retired last year, I had a pretty clear sense of what my life would be like. I expected to stay close to home and lead a simple, contemplative, minimalist lifestyle. It would be strongly influenced by studying zen and taoism.
I sort of got off that path. I sank a bunch of money into clothes I didn't need and was seriously entertaining buying a small convertible. I don't think of the landscaping as quite falling into that category because it makes my own living space more usable, but it was an unplanned expense.
Financially, I haven't created a hardship for myself. But I did let myself fall into some old habits of thinking. You'd have to go back to the early nineties to find a time when I was as concerned about my appearance as I've been lately (well, at least my clothing — I'm still overweight, and that hasn't been such a great concern that I've done anything about it), and I allowed myself to enjoy the flattery and compliments I received.
The farther I got off my path of simplicity and calm, the more stressed out I became. I pushed those concerns to the back of my mind until they wouldn't stay pushed back anymore. In the meantime, the collapsing economy has begun to worry me. I'm planning on this lasting about two years, and I'm not sure what I'll do if it goes longer than that.
I now find myself nostalgic for that time of just a year ago when my life was simpler than it is now.
I'm feeling a lot better physically, but I'm not quite ready to rejoin society.
I have the sense that I've been sort of wandering in the wilderness this summer. When I retired last year, I had a pretty clear sense of what my life would be like. I expected to stay close to home and lead a simple, contemplative, minimalist lifestyle. It would be strongly influenced by studying zen and taoism.
I sort of got off that path. I sank a bunch of money into clothes I didn't need and was seriously entertaining buying a small convertible. I don't think of the landscaping as quite falling into that category because it makes my own living space more usable, but it was an unplanned expense.
Financially, I haven't created a hardship for myself. But I did let myself fall into some old habits of thinking. You'd have to go back to the early nineties to find a time when I was as concerned about my appearance as I've been lately (well, at least my clothing — I'm still overweight, and that hasn't been such a great concern that I've done anything about it), and I allowed myself to enjoy the flattery and compliments I received.
The farther I got off my path of simplicity and calm, the more stressed out I became. I pushed those concerns to the back of my mind until they wouldn't stay pushed back anymore. In the meantime, the collapsing economy has begun to worry me. I'm planning on this lasting about two years, and I'm not sure what I'll do if it goes longer than that.
I now find myself nostalgic for that time of just a year ago when my life was simpler than it is now.
I'm feeling a lot better physically, but I'm not quite ready to rejoin society.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Fast, fat food
For the past three or four days I've been really stuffing myself, although I certainly wasn't malnourished before that. I've had the sensation of getting some sort of boost from all the calories I've consumed. But I can't do this forever, and I really need to quit right now.
I was gaining weight even with what I was eating before. ('You live to eat,' says Ms. Landscape Person, and Soartstar calls me a 'very focused eater.') Now it's time to cut off the load of fried fish and Wendy's chili I've been consuming and get back to some more sensible eating habits.
It's true I enjoy eating, and it's one of the few regular experiences I do enjoy. I don't watch TV, except for an occasional YouTube clip I find on a blog. I haven't been to a movie in months, and I don't enjoy concerts or sporting events. So, if I'm not reading or hanging out with friends, I'm eating. Maybe I would eat less if I had other activities in my life, but nothing else interests me these days. And to tell the truth, that's been the case just about my whole life.
I was gaining weight even with what I was eating before. ('You live to eat,' says Ms. Landscape Person, and Soartstar calls me a 'very focused eater.') Now it's time to cut off the load of fried fish and Wendy's chili I've been consuming and get back to some more sensible eating habits.
It's true I enjoy eating, and it's one of the few regular experiences I do enjoy. I don't watch TV, except for an occasional YouTube clip I find on a blog. I haven't been to a movie in months, and I don't enjoy concerts or sporting events. So, if I'm not reading or hanging out with friends, I'm eating. Maybe I would eat less if I had other activities in my life, but nothing else interests me these days. And to tell the truth, that's been the case just about my whole life.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Better, I guess
My energy level seems a lot closer to normal (for me) today. Maybe it's just psychological, but I think the big dose of vitamins helped. I'm not ready to rejoin society quite yet, but perhaps soon.
Friday, August 01, 2008
My day
I ate a lot and slept a lot. Big breakfast at Jimmy's Egg, followed by a nap, followed by two bowls of chili from Wendy's for lunch, followed by a nap. I didn't do Friday dinner or gallery walk, because I just didn't have the energy. But I did have another pile of fish and chips later.
I finished the antibiotic today, and this evening took three of the vitamin supplement tablets I have been avoiding while taking the antibiotic the past however-many days.
There is some concern among my friends that I may have Lyme disease, and that I may spread it.
To catch Lyme disease from me, I would have to bore my head under your skin and suck your blood.
And I don't like you in that way.
I finished the antibiotic today, and this evening took three of the vitamin supplement tablets I have been avoiding while taking the antibiotic the past however-many days.
There is some concern among my friends that I may have Lyme disease, and that I may spread it.
To catch Lyme disease from me, I would have to bore my head under your skin and suck your blood.
And I don't like you in that way.
Another dream
I had a dream during a midday nap in which I was hanging out with Bette Midler. She was joking about something about the way my hair looked, but I didn't quite get what she was saying. Even when I'm dreaming, I'm hard of hearing.
Then there was some elevator music coming from somewhere, and it was some Vic Damone-sounding guy. We started singing along with him:
Somewhere, over Durango, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over Durango,
Why then oh why can't I?
And I don't know why we sang 'Durango' instead of 'the rainbow,' except we thought it was funny.
Then there was some elevator music coming from somewhere, and it was some Vic Damone-sounding guy. We started singing along with him:
Somewhere, over Durango, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over Durango,
Why then oh why can't I?
And I don't know why we sang 'Durango' instead of 'the rainbow,' except we thought it was funny.
Friday am
I woke up from a very jumbled and unclear dream. Something about moving some sort of office to some place that might have been either the eastern part of the county, or to some small town in another state — I'm not sure. There were other people doing something, too, but my part was to get stuff unpacked. There were medicines, liquor bottles, and some sort of big whiteboard. I was just tossing stuff everywhere as fast as I could because time was short, and I looked with some satisfaction as the clutter of a busy workplace grew around me.
Then I woke up and now I'm having some sort of mild panic attack.
I have spent the past week almost entirely shut up in the house. I haven't been to the coffee shop or any of my usual weekly haunts. I've eaten all my meals alone except for two with Nurse Kathryn. Once we ate at a restaurant and once she sat on my front porch with me while I ate the fish and chips she brought me. My long self-imposed ban on fast food has been broken by two orders of fish and chips and one bowl of chili from Wendy's.
I haven't been to the store, or anywhere else. There's been one trip to Home Depot with Ms. Landscape Person and that's it.
I am spending a lot of time with my two oldest cats, and we're all snoozing on the futon together. They seem glad — relieved might be a more appropriate word — to see me spending more time at home. There's a visible difference in their demeanor. They're more relaxed and not as grumpy as they recently had been.
This is the way I have lived most of my adult life, except that before retirement I did have to at least have social contact at work. Having a social life has been a recent development, and I think I may have hit some sort of overload point.
I don't feel very restless at all. I'm really enjoying the quiet and the dark in my old house.
But I have to make myself go downtown and pay my health insurance premium today. It's still about as easy to pay it in person as it is to take it to the post office and mail. But there'll be a crowd, because it's also where citizens pay their water bills, and downtown is just busy. I'd like to avoid that but it has to be done.
I'm reading a book that was among my father's personal stuff from Arkansas. It's a history of the Bolshevik revolution. I don't remember my dad being especially interested in history, but he had several popular histories among his books when he died.
Peace to all of you.
Then I woke up and now I'm having some sort of mild panic attack.
I have spent the past week almost entirely shut up in the house. I haven't been to the coffee shop or any of my usual weekly haunts. I've eaten all my meals alone except for two with Nurse Kathryn. Once we ate at a restaurant and once she sat on my front porch with me while I ate the fish and chips she brought me. My long self-imposed ban on fast food has been broken by two orders of fish and chips and one bowl of chili from Wendy's.
I haven't been to the store, or anywhere else. There's been one trip to Home Depot with Ms. Landscape Person and that's it.
I am spending a lot of time with my two oldest cats, and we're all snoozing on the futon together. They seem glad — relieved might be a more appropriate word — to see me spending more time at home. There's a visible difference in their demeanor. They're more relaxed and not as grumpy as they recently had been.
This is the way I have lived most of my adult life, except that before retirement I did have to at least have social contact at work. Having a social life has been a recent development, and I think I may have hit some sort of overload point.
I don't feel very restless at all. I'm really enjoying the quiet and the dark in my old house.
But I have to make myself go downtown and pay my health insurance premium today. It's still about as easy to pay it in person as it is to take it to the post office and mail. But there'll be a crowd, because it's also where citizens pay their water bills, and downtown is just busy. I'd like to avoid that but it has to be done.
I'm reading a book that was among my father's personal stuff from Arkansas. It's a history of the Bolshevik revolution. I don't remember my dad being especially interested in history, but he had several popular histories among his books when he died.
Peace to all of you.
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