Sunday, September 05, 2010

Calmer today than yesterday

I've been reading dzaster's advice in response to yesterday's early morning most, "Another Cheery Saturday". I don't think I'm giving away too much personal information by saying that dzaster moved from Oklahoma to another sunbelt state a few months ago, and has found the change significantly improved her sense of well-being.

I've considered the same thing, but I won't do it. I have too strong a financial incentive to remain here. And, while I have some sense of the kind of place where I'd like to live, I don't know if such a place actually exists.

Back in the early seventies, when I was a fundamentalist Christian, we were urged to separate ourselves, at least emotionally and philosophically, from the world. Of course, it was mostly bullshit; the church fathers doing the urging were no more separated from the world than any average consumer. It was salutary for everyone else, they insisted, but they were all so spiritually mature they no longer needed to deny themselves. Now we have this so-called 'prosperity gospel', and its New Age equivalent The Secret, and it's actually considered spiritual to wallow in material wealth and consumerism.

Meanwhile, I've drifted closer and closer to being detached from the world. I didn't do it on purpose. I wasn't pulled in this direction by the need for spiritual growth so much as I was pushed in this direction by boredom and frustration. When I was a Bible thumper, I struggled with this — unlike my pastors and Sunday school teachers, I took it seriously. But now it seems to have happened on its own, gradually over the years, with no prodding from the outside. I just looked at one thing after another, and said to myself, "Well, this is crap," and eliminated it from my life. This is my take on planet earth in general. Where would I move that would change this? I'd still be on this same speck of dust surrounded by people stirring up shit for no good reason.

I still have more material possessions than any human being needs. I get pleasure from music I've accumulated, but I think I could do without the rest of it now.

But being where I am doesn't make me feel more spiritual. I don't feel closer to God. I just feel farther away from crazy.

2 comments:

star said...

Farther away from crazy is good. Moving only helps if it improves your lot overall -- a fresh environment can help, but then so can a fresh coat of paint on the kitchen walls, and it's cheaper than moving (she says self-referentially).

I am not sure that detachment is the ideal. I commented on one of your posts a few back about turning off the media and you could think I was talking, there, about detaching yourself from the larger world, but that's not really what I was thinking of. It's more to do with perspective. The media can so quickly put us in touch with such a huge percentage of Bad News that it's overwhelming; we're not bred to handle that much bad news in our little villages -- we pull all the world's woes into our encampment and it's like the Black Plague just took out your small town in Oklahoma -- overwhelming, yes.

The world goes on without us, and we are under no obligation -- we might feel a compulsion, but it's not an actual obligation -- to keep up with The News. For a little while, we can regain perspective by literally living in the village. Exist in a smaller world, let the balance of ordinary things against rare disasters and the smaller background of all the usual complaints take over. The larger world will still be there if we choose to turn the news back on; probably it will not have missed us at all while we were not paying attention to it, while we retained perspective.

So I'm not talking detachment, just living for some time in a smaller perspective.

Sorry if I ramble.

John X said...

Move wherever you want, but wherever you go, there YOU are.

Just read some Robert Anton Wilson and everything will be OK.