I know men and women who are friends and get along great.
I know men and women who are romantic partners and for the most part they don't get along so great. Their lives are filled with suspicion, turmoil, grasping and controlling, manipulation and intrigue, and certainly materialism and greed. When sex enters the picture, everything gets crazy.
My experience has been that men and women generally get along better with their friends than their lovers.
My thought was — and has been — that lovers ought to get along more like friends, and not so much like characters in soap operas.
Of course, there's a reason that isn't happening, and it's not because there hasn't been some blogger/wannabe philosopher out there to enlighten them. It's because they prefer it that way.
I just happen to have a contrarian point of view.
I followed the link from the Flib! post on this subject — Flib! post here, Ask Men link here — and I guess their view is different than mine. I don't see 'friends with benefits' as being sex with 'no strings attached.' Rather, I see it as sex with all the strings of friendship, rather than the strings of romance, attached. Those would include honesty, compassion and respect, among other things.
3 comments:
Rather, I see it as sex with all the strings of friendship, rather than the strings of romance, attached. Those would include honesty, compassion and respect, among other things.
Sounds like grown-up, mature love to me. The stuff a real relationship should be about.
ihhihuuz
hmmmm.
Nina, do your friends insist on you calling them every morning and evening to tell them where you've been and what you were doing and who you were with? That seems to be an insistent feature of romantic partners as I observe the situation.
Do your friends require love notes, flowers, chocolates? Do you have to buy every dinner?
When you ask a friend "what's wrong?" do they reply "Nothing! I'm Fine!" and expect you to read their mind?
Do your friends criticize your diet and decor and get offended if you say you like things like they are?
Do you have friends who are jealous of your other friends and go into a rage if you run into an ex and share a cuppa joe to catch up?
Do your friends go into towering snits if you have to work late?
Could you decide to stay at home and nest and be alone in peace and quiet a whole weekend without losing your friends?
Maybe you could do that stuff with a boyfriend, I honestly don't know, but I can tell you for sure that most girlfriends ... well, I don't want to stereotype, but that hasn't been my experience.
blogblah
If friendship is the foundation, including honesty, compassion and respect, you're less likely to have all that other crap (drama) to deal with.
It's rare and hard to find "out there" I agree. When I find a man I like, they leave because I have no drama and a few have told me I'm not "needy" enough. I am not demanding of their time, money or effort, which even though they say that's what they want, they run for whatever reason. Some men, I guess, like all that drama or maybe I'm just boring.
kalrgu
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