Sunday, October 30, 2011

What does a 'wink' mean, anyway?

This thing – if I send a 'wink', I assume that means I wait for her to send a 'wink' back, and then I follow up with an email. Is that right?

I'm winking, but no one is winking back. I'm not surprised, of course, but maybe I'm not doing it right.

I've noticed a few recurring themes in profiles I've viewed. Lots of Jesus (I'm in the Bible belt, of course), lots of "I want life to be an adventure," and lots of "I like to par-tay." I've seen a couple of profiles encompassing all three – Christ-centered adventurous par-taying.

None of those, of course, describe me, but I can't even get a wink back from the women who say they enjoy quiet evenings and philosophical discussions.


Anonymous said...

You are big on comparing yourself to everyone else and finding yourself wanting. I've heard an AA buddy of mine say something like, "I may be a piece of shit, but I'm all I think about!" What I hear in your writing is that you are trying to squeeze yourself into someone else's mold. Who taught you that? Identify that voice in your head saying all these horrid things to you about yourself, thank it for sharing, and set it on fire!!

Lark said...

I think a lot of women don't respond to winks. It doesn't take any thought or effort to send one so they are viewed as very low-value trolling. You are more likely to get a response if you send a short email that comments on at least one thing in the woman's profile.


mcarp said...

Well, I sent someone an email after having received no response to the wink. I don't know what kind of response I'll get.

Based on what she wrote, I'm surprised I haven't met her somewhere already. Maybe I have and I don't recall it.

That voice you talk about, Suzanne, is, primarily, my mother's. There are a few other contributors, too – mostly schoolmates from elementary and junior high school, where I was the nerd king.

(Well, actually, nerd prince. A guy named Duluth Dawson was the nerd king, and thank god he was there, because he took the brunt of the shit and hostility which would have otherwise fallen on me.)

Anonymous said... is for entertainment purposes only. It bears no relationship whatsoever to reality, relationships, sex, dating or real life social interaction. Go look at the profiles of men with whom you "compete" for the attention of the women on Match and remember there are dozens or hundreds of males for each woman. Just as all the women are beautiful (in their profiles), all the men are superheroes who love walks on the beach or some such. I was on Match for awhile and even met a few women, but there is a REASON why people are there. Often that reason is that no one who meets them in person wants anything to do with the horrible, crazy person behind the profile. Since I was on Match (in 2002-3, sometime in there), my most recent look convinces me it's become a morass. I would switch to Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid or e-Harmony.

Anonymous said... has become horrible. I couldn't believe the hidden profiles and I know someone tried to scam me three times. I read 90% are scammers and I truly believe it. In Google you can upload a photo and run it through Google and see if the photo is online and see if it matches the person's name. Also, read about how the scammers try to scam you before you attempt dating online. I was amazed. Plus use quotation marks around someone's phone number or email address and it will zero in on that particular phone number or email address. is a fraud and so is

Wow, what an experience. Be careful! Wish you all the best!