Sunday, December 03, 2006

Meet me on the holodeck

I'm still struggling with some of the concepts I encountered in The Diamond Sutra.

'A bodhisattva seeks the liberation of all beings from delusion,' the Buddha told Subhuti, 'but anyone who has a concept of 'beings' cannot be a bodhisattva.'

So here we all are, not really beings but more like illusions (or delusions) who neither exist nor non-exist. We're like holograms: sort of there, but not there.

Me? Hologram.

Lulu the Cat-Hater? Hologram.

Beasley and Smudge? Holograms.

John X and Nina? Holograms.

But if there's no such thing as 'I', who is having this delusion that I exist? Is the delusion just free-floating around like a cloud of swamp gas? I don't understand it.

In fact, I've come to the conclusion that I can have no confidence at all in anything I believe or learn. I could be wrong about everything, and draw a new set of beliefs and conclusions that are just as wrong as the ones I just abandoned.

But there is no 'I' to have the beliefs or conclusions, so what difference does it make?

Went to the RC this morning as usual, and suddenly became very sleepy around 10 a.m.

I went home and crawled under the blankets on the futon, still wearing my overalls, sweater, scarf and cap. I slept for a couple of hours, then arose and puttered around the house. I went back to RC for some tomato soup in the early afternoon.

But the futon is the center of my universe now. I want to stay there all the time, surrounded by pillows and wrapped in blankets. I could take my laptop there and never leave. That's sort of like my 'safe place.' It's warm, it's comfortable, and no one can get to me there.

I'm going there to hide, frankly.


Nina said...

The hologram is a visual I can somewhat grasp. I go round and round with the whole ‘I/Me’ thing.

How can we not have a concept of being in some form, since we’re human?

If there is no ‘I’ then how would it make a difference concerning beliefs/conclusions or even if the futon is the center of your universe? It wouldn't, would it?

And then what about the idea that we create our own perceived reality? If there is no 'I' does the content our thoughts matter at all?

My head hurts.

“How am I not myself?” I Heart Huckabees


mcarp said...

Are we human? Or is 'human' just another concept we pulled out of our collective asses to explain our limited view of the world?

What if we could see reality through completely unlimited and unfiltered eyes? Would we still see the totality of reality divided into 'humans,' 'cats,' 'horses,' along with plants and inorganic matter? Or would we see that it's all the same thing?

Would we see a salt shaker on the table and an empty space next to the salt shaker, and discover that the salt shaker and the empty space next to it are not only identical, but are actually one and the same?

If there is no 'I', how can I have any beliefs/conclusions? How can I be enlightened if I don't exist?

And how can you mend a broken heart?

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

How can you stop the sun from shining?

What makes the world go round?


John X, aroma generator said...

I'm a hologram until you enter a bathroom I just got finished using.

Then you realize just how sadly real I can be.