I don't even have a lot of random notes this evening.
Gallery Walk was kind of a bust Friday because of the weather. Most of the galleries didn't open and I don't blame the owners.
I dropped my car keys in the snow Thursday and didn't find them until it melted off the driveway today. I'm glad I didn't back the minivan over them. Fortunately, I had spares for most of my keys.
Nina wrote last night about wishing she could get back the seven months she spent dating Hercules, from whom she has since been unchained. It occurs to me that most of the women I've dated would say the same thing about the time they spent with me. My wife got the worst deal, investing ten years of her life in a relationship that I'll be the first to admit didn't give much back to her. I've said before she deserved better, and she did.
An anonymous poster claimed a few months back that I was narcissistic. That's not true, but it is true that I'm extraordinarily self-involved. I used to be a very good listener, but I've lost some of that ability over the years. I'm too focused on myself to be empathetic.
I've had a couple of ex-SO's suggest I need to get rid of my cats. The cats are still here.
I doggedly pursued (no pun intended) Lulu the Cat-Hater for months before she went out with me. On our first date I mentioned Beasley and Smudge and she blurted out, "I don't like cats." I never saw her again after that.
(Adele, on the other hand, adored Beasley. In fact, it was Beasley who sort of introduced us. Adele couldn't decide what she thought about me until after I had finalized plans to leave Texas -- so by that time it was too late. Or maybe she planned it that way.)
When my dog, the immortal Buddy Lee, was in rapidly deteriorating health, the woman whom I was seeing at the time said, "Honestly, I think sometimes you care more about that dog than you do about me."
To which I thought in response, 'Hmmmm... actually, I think she's right. Now what do I say?
'Oh, shit... I still haven't said anything and now she's looking at me.
'Oh, shit... has she figured out what I'm thinking?
'Okay, it's been, like ten seconds now and I still haven't said anything. I better come up with a response right now, or I'm hosed.
'Oh, screw it. It's too late.'
And indeed it was.
I am a pretty damn boring date and an even worse boyfriend, and I'll freely admit it. I chose the life I have now and I can't imagine any way I would significantly change it. Less rogue cat shit would be nice, but that's about all I can think of.
But I also realize, although it took me years to reach this point, that most people don't want the kind of life I have. We all have our goals, and we shouldn't demand that other people buy into our ambitions, and I don't ask others to buy into mine anymore.
6 comments:
I used to just tell all any new boyfriend that the cats had seniority, so deal with it. I knew I really liked the last guy when I found myself offering to shute Midori out of the bedroom, if he didn't fancy waking up wearing her like a hat.
Cats = filters for assholes.
Gosh why didn’t I pay attention and use the cat filter?
Hercules actually said to me, “If we end up getting married, can I put your cats down?” I was appalled. He played it off as a joke.
I should have bailed then. I could have saved myself a good 4 months at least.
Besides when others are joking, there’s usually a great element of truth to their words.
I must have been blinded by those muscles.
qtxjuuru
There's nothing wrong with being narcissistic. It's an adjective applied to anyone who knows what to effectively rely on. It's a transcendence, actually, and being able to admit and embrace it is a step toward survival without regrets.
Well, I rely on myself – there's no question about that. It's a result of my upbringing.
One of the raps I've gotten at work all my adult life is that I don't collaborate well and don't work well with others.
I also don't like asking other people for help.
But I find even as an adult that relying on others to carry their share of a workload is usually a major ingredient in a recipe for disappointment. I end up being happier if I at least have a contingency plan for taking care of everything myself.
This attitude also leads to isolation. I found that in the back of my mind I was always looking at people, especially people I had just met, from the immediate perspective of 'Hi. How ae you going to make my life more miserable?'
or 'How are you going to make my life more miserable?'
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