I am a heterosexual male. I am attracted to women. I may not trust women, but I am attracted to women. More specifically, I am attracted to certain kinds of women, and they are mostly of the willowy, ethereal, Stevie Nicks archetype I have posted about so many times before.
That may be shallow and superficial, but it's the way it goes with me.
I was discussing this with a female friend a few days ago, and for the first time in the years I have known her, she cut me off and said the topic wasn't open for discussion. She was upset, I think, because she believes, as many of my female friends do, that I am 'supposed' to be attracted to sturdy, sensible, scowling women who will straighten me out and make me be disciplined and productive. Or, alternately, that I should be that completely asexual 'bean bag chair' on which they flop down for a good cry when their boyfriends have shit on them.
The first paragraph of this post strikes me as being fairly tepid and noncontroversial. Yet I posted it with some trepidation, because I know if I had said something like that in front of my parents, my father would have squirmed nervously and my mother would have come completely unglued.
"You're not going to be like your father!" she would have scolded. "You're going to learn how to do laundry, and wash dishes, so that if you ever get married, you'll know how to be a dutiful husband and supportive of your wife!" My mother thought I should aspire to be a maid or housekeeper, largely so I could take care of our home while she was out getting hammered. I think she figured I would never marry; in fact, she once suggested to me that I was gay.
The housekeeping training didn't stick, as anyone who has been in my home knows. But I think what did stick was this notion that I was supposed to be some sort of groveling servant who existed only to try to please women by being the always-patient listener, always available to do favors, always willing to put her needs and interests before my own. The eternal rescuer, in other words.
Well, I am 58 years old now, and fuck that. I am done with it. And I am done with apologizing or feeling guilty because I like feminine women. If that's not 'nice' of me, too fucking bad. I am old and frumpy now, and not capable of playing Jake Danger for anyone, but someone else is going to have to be Big Brother/Daddy.
2 comments:
Who says the Stevie Nicks type won't be domineering? You're assuming because a woman is feminine and etheral, she will be open to letting you be who you want to be. You are probably very wrong about this, my friend.
I'm guessing your mother was a "sturdy" woman and that is why you prefer the other type. It doesn't really matter why you like one type or the other, but you may want to get over your issues with your mom. She's long gone and doesn't have any power over you anymore unless you give it to her. Some people just like to blame their mothers for everything in order to keep from looking in the mirror and working on themselves. Would you be that person?
I suggest you read my blog again and understand that your life is all about you. Your time of putting the blame on someone else has run out.
If you can't find a woman that fits your needs, it's about you and your issues.
Man up and get over yourself and your mother. Gee whiz, ya big baby.
And just be glad that I'm not your girlfriend cause I am a total bitch from hell with no tolerance for whining. I still love you.
Mindovermary
What you're talking about is exactly what I'm saying. People get behavioral stuff from their parents and carry it around for years — sometimes their whole lives — without realizing it's counterproductive and maybe just nonsense.
It's taken me 40 adult years to realize that I'm not morally obliged to be MCARP, Human Doormat.
It's a little late in the game, but still better than never.
Post a Comment