Cultivating despair

I had lunch Tuesday with a willowy, ethereal, Buddhist kind of hippie artist woman I've known for several years (who may or may not read this).

Any details of our conversation would be a violation of her privacy. Suffice it to say I went directly from lunch to VZD's, where I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening cultivating despair.

I need to let go of this, and it's part of a larger thing I also need to let go of.

There was a Zen teacher - I forget which one - who talked about this in very plain, almost defeatist language. He didn't sugar coat it with terms like 'non-attachment'; he just said 'give up.'

That runs counter to our American notion of 'try, try again' and 'never give up, never surrender,' but the teacher was right. And he called it what it was without trying to make it lofty or profoundly spiritual. Just give up.

I mentioned something in a previous post about people who refuse to see the world as it is. Here's an example of me not seeing the world as it is. Actually, I do see it, but I've indulged the occasional hope over the years that the relationshiponal equivalent of a faith healing or a UFO landing would happen - and of course, it never has.

When I got home, I found a freshly-laid pile of cat shit in the middle of the den. The cat is trying to enlighten me.