I was thinking about the two women whose pictures I found the other day. I recall that I would probably never have asked either of them out left entirely to my own decision-making process. They were both 'set up' by mutual friends who thought they were the kind of women I 'belonged' with. I stayed with both for many months, even though there was frankly no physical attraction on my side. One finally backed me so far into a corner that I literally climbed out a window to get away from her. I've always been a magnet for controlling personalities whose attraction to me is based on their perception I need them in my life to straighten me out.
I've been unattached romantically for about four years now (at least I think it's been four years) and most of the time, I'm OK with that.
I've sort of let myself go during that time, and I've reached a point where it's not practical for me to be in search of 'love.' It would take me literally years to get myself back into some sort of appropriate condition - I would be sixty by the time I was ready - and even then, my idea of a good time would still be sitting around at the Red Cup and elsewhere.
I've noticed that the times I most feel the absence of 'love' in my life are when I'm depressed. But I don't think it's loneliness that triggers depression; rather, it's depression that triggers loneliness. It's like having some sort of flu bug that gives you a craving to drink Liquid Plumber as medicine.
5 comments:
why is it appropriate for you to decide what attracts someone else?
What is there about the way you look and the way you think you should look that is an irrational attachment?
while you are OK with "old" and think you'd be -- horrors! -- sixty before you could hurdle the obstacles you and you alone have placed between you and a romantic life, I'm somewhat older and do not believe my age is a factor in finding an appropriate companion and romantic partner. What gives you the idea that at age 60 it would be "too late"?
That said, some part of me continues to believe that the only thing worse than not having a girlfriend is having a girlfriend.
blogblah
It's not so much that I decide what attracts someone else as that I observe what attracts someone else.
As for the sixty thing, I'm not going to decide what's right for other people. But it seems to me a little far-fetched for a sixty-year-old mcarp to be wandering about arching his eyebrow seductively at anyone.
YMMV, of course.
your answer doesn't advance the ball because it's a repeat of the same mistake -- you projecting your stuff onto others.
Yes, you observe, but not completely or rationally.
How do you explain Soartstar, LynneX, longrydehome, Mindovermary and others? All of these people are in their 50s, all seem attracted to your teddy bear body and all seemingly waiting for your arched eyebrow to be aimed in their direction. You know what attracts them? How? That Bhudda stuff give you mind reading powers?
The truth is you don't want to engage for reasons of your own that have nothing to do with your appearance or age. You're merely rationalizing some emotional decision you've made about your own stuff.
I don't mind what you've decided because your life is your choice. I do mind attempts to feed me bullshit while describing it as gourmet dinner.
blogblah
Ditto what John said. You're using your loathing of your own physical appearance as an excuse to avoid intimacy. Just admit, like I do, that you're just scared shitless that someone will find out how flawed you really are. PS We already know and don't judge you nearly as harshly as you judge yourself, Mr Nonattachment.
Soartstar
mike...you know i love you...and our friendship...is one of the truest i've ever known... just for the record....longrydehome...is not one of your secret admirers..rather one of your best friends... i know you know this...but seems others have completely missed the boat on this one...
oh...and i wanna see you practice the arching of the eyebrow... you sexy beast you....ha!!!
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