Infatuation redux

Has this ever happened to you?

I had a conversation a while back with a woman whom I had found very interesting and attractive for some time. I felt that we had connected on a somewhat deeper level during that chat, and that I'd really like to get to know her better. I was frankly a little euphoric about it for a couple of days.

I decided to bounce this off a female friend for a reality check.

"What made this conversation special?" she asked, and I was immediately enlightened.

Because I couldn't think of a thing that made it special. It was like conversations I've had with dozens of other women, and men as well. All that was different, I suddenly realized, was that I had 'enhanced' my recollection of this particular conversation to help rationalize my attraction to this particular woman.

After I got myself out of 'magical thinking' mode, I realized I'd had a fairly ordinary conversation with her, and that nothing had happened that should have suggested to me some spark of mutual attraction. I had just made it up.

Now, having been brought down to earth, I feel a little disappointed. And I worry that the disappointment will trigger another round of depression.

And on top of all that, I still have this little nagging hope that maybe I've gotten it all wrong and she really is interested in me – and then I get annoyed with myself for having this little sliver of magical thinking still whizzing around in my head.

So, I've now gone through this array of emotions, useless speculation and worry. It didn't accomplish anything, didn't change my life in any way, didn't lead to any result. It was just several days of mental wheel-spinning.

Remember this quote?

Dae-Ju said, "When people are hungry, they eat. Only the outside, the body, is eating. On the inside, they are thinking, and they have desire for money, fame, sex, food, and they feel anger. And so when they are tired, because of these wants, they do not sleep. So, the outside and the inside are different. But when I am hungry, I only eat. When I am tired, I only sleep. I have no thinking, and so I have no inside and no outside."

This isn't some pie-in-the-sky abstract spirituality. It's a real common sense way to rid yourself of all the shitwheels spinning in your brain to no useful end.