A little honesty... I think

If I were going to face the truth, I think I would have to say that part of the reason I look the way I do is that I enjoy being the contrarian.

I think I conjured up a sort of idealized image of myself in my current fashion mode... something akin to what Kiefer Sutherland would look like if her were cast as me in "Neither Being nor Not Being: the mcarp Story."

Then I see myself in a mirror or plate glass window and am reminded that John Goodman would be a more appropriate casting choice (or Homer Simpson, were he a real human being). And then I think to myself, "Well, I don't look scruffy or rebellious or devil-may-care or like I'm standing up to 'the man.' I just look like a fat guy in crappy clothes (except for the scarf, which is my one redeeming fashion statement)."

Sort of like, well, Michael Moore or Peter Jackson.

And all of that self-image stuff is driven by a sense of self and a desire to create a certain impression in the minds of other people. Dualistic thinking all the way, baby.

I've got my arms full – full of all this 'self' baggage. I didn't put it all down – I just swapped out the boxes I was carrying it all around in.